For several weeks, my blog has been sitting here like a silent spectator of my life and the world, sometimes begging me to fill it with the enormous thoughts I´ve been struggling with recently and sometimes, just pretending not to exist at all. But today, I finally have the strength and the time to type down these words, and I hope all of you will understand and appreciate my modest effort.
For months I thought the reason behind my failure to write anything worthwhile might be writer´s block, but upon further research and thorough thought, I realised that that wasn´t the problem. I had wonderful ideas, I had all the time in my life and yet, something was holding me back from writing and even after several attempts to write down these ideas, I realised all of it was in vain. Until two days back, when I decided to write down whatever came to my mind.
While letting my mind write , I realised how much easier it is to find the root of problems. As I kept on writing I came to a point where I realised that the only reason I could not write before was because of the guilt, the fear I had towards writing.
It might sound very cowardly, but that is exactly what I´ve been feeling, even what I am feeling right now. Whatever I wrote felt incomplete and wrong, like I wasn´t doing justice to the idea that I was writing about. There was a time when writing made me feel better, but now writing just makes me feel worse off than I was before I started writing that particular piece. My mind feels like an explosion of colours, though beautiful, it is very messy. It feels like a tangled nest of words expressing all that I´m feeling and somewhere, my instincts are telling me that if I do untangle this mess, I might finally rest. But that seems near impossible now.
I´m still not sure about what I´m feeling. Is this just writer´s block or is this something else? Is this because of stress, because of the huge changes that my life saw in the past few months? Maybe my flair for writing was just a phase, and I´m starting to lose it. I have no idea, but I can tell you one thing for sure, neither does this phase feel good nor does this phase feel right. Have any of you ever felt anything similar or are going through the same? If anybody can help me with this, you´re more than welcome to contact me. Thank you for being here, always, I´m grateful to all of you for staying by.